‘Twas the month after Christmas

‘Twas the month after Christmas, and all though the house

No clothing would fit, on me or my spouse.
The cookies I’d nibbled, the eggnog so yummy
These holiday goodies have gone to my tummy!

When I got on the scales there arose such a cry
Could that really be right — did I eat that much pie?

I remember the marvelous meals that I’d downed
The gravies and sauces, and meats nicely browned,
The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese
The way that I always said “Yes, some more, please”

I searched through the closets for extra-large clothes,
And walked by the mirror, then I gasped and I froze:

I said to myself as I only can,
“You can’t spend the winter this gargantuan!”

So away with the very last sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruitcake, every cracker and chip!
Every bit of the food that I like must be banished
Till all this additional poundage has vanished.

I won’t have a cookie, not even a lick!
I will only chew on a long celery stick.
I won’t have hot biscuits, nor cornbread or pie,
I’ll munch on a carrot. And quietly cry.

I’m hungry, I’m grumpy, my life is a bore
But isn’t that what January is for?
The fridge has been emptied, the kitchen is quiet,
Happy new year to all, and to all a good diet!

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